Monday, April 11, 2011

The Big Bad Wolf - Home INVASION on the UPRISE


                                                     ARE YOU READY??
Across the world, we have heard stories of the acts of furry home terrorism by packs calling themselves the Big Bad Wolves [BBW].

First there was the story of the sweet ole' Grandma that was fooled by a big bad wolf member that disguised his voice to sound like that of her cute little granddaughter in order to force entry.  Then, the case of "The Three Little Pigs" where almost everything was lost to one windy BBW member.  Also, if you remember the report on CNN, which issued a warning on a sheep herder that almost lost his entire flock to one disgusting crossed-dressing BBW member.
          I SAY NO MORE...

First, we have to familiarize ourselves with their tactics:
  • They have used sheep's clothing gain access to certain groups.
  • They are masters at disguising their voices and appearances.
  • They have extremely large lung capacity.
  • The have been known to have access to massive supplies of ACME goods and weapons supplied by the W.E. Coyote Extremist group.
  • These furry Ninjas are master stalkers.  
  • They are able to shape shift into young Hollywood types.
• • • 

    Now that we have a better understanding of the skills and tactics that these BBW members are equipped with, we can proceed to perfect our defenses. Following are recommended courses of action:
    •  Always live next to some sort of woodsman that will have accesses to an AXE.
    •  Always build your homes out of brick. Wood details are OK for trim only.
    •  Always check ID when someone knocks at the door.
    •  Befriend all talking rabbits and very fast birds with a limited vocabulary of just "BEEP BEEP". They seem to have an advanced knowledge of defense against ACME weapons.
    • Keep a stereo looped with Paula Adbul's song "Opposites Attract".  History has shown that BBW members cannot stop dancing to it.  This precaution should give you plenty of time to escape...or to shoot yourself because you had to listen to that song over and over and over....
    • Have lots of vampire friends. This should be easy since plenty of them have come 'out' of the closet due to the fact that it's trendy to be a vampire right now. 
    • Before informing authorities of any BBW attack, make sure it is true as you have limited amounts of reports. In legal terms, this is called 'Crying Wolf'.  
    • Keep at least 1 silver bullet or silver pointy object close, even though the price of silver prices is on a rise, this is a MUST!
    NOTE:  The BBW organization has recently been luring our young by using so-called 'hot' wolf members like Taylor Lautner. Now, I know some of you might think he looks appealing and would like to be visited by this member dressed in Wolf's clothing, but don't fall for it!  Me, I'd much rather be visited by the EyeCandy58 gang dressed in a bunny suit [...and I'm not talking about the type of bunny that eats carrots. ]   :)

    Just remember...a life of crime is not worth it!

    I hope I have helped you with preparations of any BBW assault...and now you are now more prepared to defend against this blight.


    Mikiep "The Silver Bullet"

    PS...  I hope you enjoy my new little illustration of Little Red Riding Hood [shown above.] 

    1 comment:

    1. Thank you...I feel like now I can adequately protect myself and loved ones from the BBW, although I might get tripped up by the Taylor Lautner guise!

      Oh, and I do like the Little Red Riding Hood illustration.